Okay-- my bestfriends boyfriend's name is Bob. I call him Bobert.
Bobert is this total kiss ass guy who's perfect for my sweet, goody-two shoes, best friend Dedra. They'er so fuckign cute together-- you can't help but stare.
So, I'm bi, but decisively straight for this guy I'll call Lucus. We broke up recently and Bobert decided to confront me on liking Dedra. Now I don't mind or anything-- because sure I've had a crush on her for like... five years... but whate gets me is Bobert's told people. I don't tell people because I don't-- can't-- deal with the shit from it.
I've got a bad past with abusive girlfriends and bullys and shit.
So Bobert and I have been getting really close-- he's my best fucking friend right now. But he's started airing out my fucking shit so people will leave us alone. I would never date Bob-- he's my best friends boyfriend for gods sake. The guy is perfect for any chick-- but that's bullshit. No one shoudl ever pull that.
So recently I've been over to Bob's sisters house alone with him. The whole time he talked on the phone with Dedra and I slept on the couch. He came over to my house and we were home alone and he played Assasin's Creed while I did homework. We practically live together now-- but it's nothing like what people think.
So Bob's mom has grounded him from me.
"Do you like Jade?"
"Does Jade like you?"
"Not as far as I know-- since she likes my girlfriend."
I mean I don't mind or anything-- okay so I do-- but what gets me is I don't even know Bob's mom. And she's a fucking homophobe. So now Bob has to fucking lie to his mom (he doesn't like her but I don't like that he's lying for me) so we can still hang out.
And check this out-- my ex Lucas (who I still love) thinks I'm doing it with Bob. So he's attempting to hook up with my friend Cassie when he promised me he would wait.
GRRRRRRRRRRR RANT TIME
Beaultiful Boy I've always wondered
We're you belong and where your going
If I should come
Or if I should leave
But I know where you belong
I know where you're going
Your going to see paradise boy
That's where you belong
And I know that because the tv screen told me so
You've always thought me crazy and I know
Cuz I've agreeed when you've said that I dont know
But baby I knwo for onceWhy you left me behind
You need the beauty that I don't have
And I've seen it now
I've heard it and tasted it
And you and I just aren't the same
You're going there beautiful boy
I know where you belong
You belong in a heaven
Where the world is never wrong
my family used to drink nothing diet and eat nothing diet. But this wierd thing has happened to my family lately-- this salad and diet drink thing that I can't explain. I guess it's really frustrating to me because it's like every time I pick up one of these diet sodas it wears a face sayign that I'm fat. And I need the diet to get thin.
We're not a fat family at all-- were biult pretty big but we stay skinny. it's average for us. But I guess being around all those super skinny people made us change some how. I got over starving and throwing up and started living normal like I should be. And I was excelling like that. My friends where happier because I was happier. Then my sister started-- and now my mom. And my dad. It's frustrating because we always say we aren't goign to be affected by what people say-- but we're saying them right back in our head.
I would love to be a size 0-- but it's not possible in my family. We have really wide hips and we all know it-- but we're still fighting it. Everytime we're asked regular or diet we say diet. And I hate it. But it keeps coming right out of our mouths. Like something is WRONG with being a size 5, a 7, an 8, a 9 or a 12. There's nothing wrong with it-- because people are beautiful for who they are. Not what they are.
But we still conform and do like we're told. And we don't even think about it. It's frustrating.
Its okay to be normal isn't it?